Oh, god, me too! Maybe his friends dont work either and are supported by their wives. This is more his problem than yours. Its really easy to say everyone else agrees (and they conveniently do so somewhere that you cant actually see/hear what they said), so anything that smacks of that strikes me as worthy of taking with a shakerfull of salt. Bringing your spouse along on a work trip only works some of the time, and it definitely doesnt work if the spouse has already exhibited controlling behavior. In addition to bolstering his position in our argument it had the nice (for him) side effect of alienating me from all of my friends who I believed were talking crap about me behind my back. Yes. She has a job where you travel, and to him that probably sounds like shes achieving well (and she very well is) when *he is not,* comparatively. All the more reason to get out and build a life with someone who is your partner and not a leach who wants to cripple your independence and your career. (also, the remedy would normally be that both the wife and husband go to Vegas, not that the husband bans the business trip), I want to push back, snark, in case anyone else reading sees your comment and decides that couples isnt a good course of action because the issue is with one person in the couple.. Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. The whole letting her go thing could be controlling or abusive, but it could also refer less to physical ability to go there and more not letting her go in peace, or without a bunch of needy whining adult tantrums. Like Winter says . It isnt like the reputation just happened by accident. I took a look at the menu for Gordon Ramsays burger place and almost stroked out. But, OP, please take a hard look at your husband and his normal conduct. According to my in-laws, any apartment within walking distance of a Mexican restaurant had to be in a horrible and crime-infested part of town. Many of my colleagues bring their spouse on conferences as a mini vacay for the fun of exploring new cities. This is a pretty classic controlling partner move. What if you could guarantee there wouldnt be any impact on your career either way, and your husband didnt have an opinion either way? But regardless, he needs to respect the demands of her job and treat her like an adult. This is always my response to people and they always get mad at me for saying it. I know right? My husband used to be pretty bad about my work trips, too. I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. And he, I think, talked that out with a therapist eventually. My colleagues travel all over the world, sometimes to places in great upheaval where they have to have military escorts. I cannot stress how much this letter pisses me off. I have one. Im guessing its because Vegas sounds like its all casinos and bars and drunk parties, and if I learned anything in college its that bars and drunk parties are teeming with predators. My husband and I went for our honeymoon, we had so much fun just walking through all of the hotels and people-watching, plus saw some really great shows. OP, no idea if my experience is relevant to you or not, but the relationships in which the possibility of me cheating (never in a million years) was raised were the ones in which HE was cheating. If the city is a well known destination to indulge in vices ( sex outside of a relationship for pay, drinking, drugs, gambling) than its fair to say that its not the most wholesome location. There doesnt seem to be a whole lot of recognition of either here. Honestly, given his insistence that your company is basically trying to ruin your marriage by sending you on a business trip and the tenor of the conversations hes had with others about allowing you to do your damn job, my gut screams traditionalist underachieving man threatened by successful wife. Yeah you can get into some crazy stuff there for sure, but lots of people bring their small children to Vegas for vacation too (which bugs me somewhat but hey whatever). I personally hate Vegas, but I would never question the idea of sending a business trip there because its typically the cheapest place you can gather people from offices all over the continent. Yeah Im trying to tell myself this kind of misconception is the kindest possible explanation. That was my thinking toohow much did he lead them into getting the exact answer he wanted? Like, do you think he really did take an opinion poll? Oh sure, but thats why I specified business-class rooms, as in the 3.5 or 4-star Hilton/Hyatt/W Hotel, since those are the types of hotels that have attached conference/convention facilities and host large conferences. Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. Last but not least, take some time for yourself. Oh, and I think I gambled about $20 on nickel slots. I agree with Allison I think marriage counseling may be a good think to look into. I still think he worries about my safety a bit too much (and whoa, good Im not headed to war zones at this point in my career! This seems to be a common pattern, though of course not a certainty. Sometimes I am super jealous because he gets to go to some cool places (Tokyo, London), but I would never try to get him not to go. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. Her hotel room was amazing, and Im pretty sure it had a little museum in that hotel too. In which case OP should divorce his sorry ass posthaste, because those guys are genuinely dangerous and also do not deserve companionship. Its so odd that he seems so fixated on Vegas (which can be perfectly harmless, I went there many times as a small child and turned out just fine). Most of the shows arent appealing, either, and theyre almost all too expensive. And when she called home she was mean to me and I noticed she fixed her hair differently and she looked very happy. Sometimes together (we work for the same agency), but mostly separate. But other things may be reasonable eg nightly call ins and letting husband know that she is not going to call or answer his calls during the day. In either case, I should have ended it. It doesnt sound as though shes given him any reason to be so insecure. Someone this uptight probably doesnt have friends. Honestly, corporate meetings in Vegas are not the sexfests people think they are. Im so glad I made that choice. Long term I also agree with everyone elses recommendations for anxiety screening and counseling. Assuming you havent given him real cause for those worries (like a history of cheating), this is insulting to you and awful for the health of your relationship. I was admittedly super jealous when Booth got to go to Orlando because Disney World is a lifelong obsession of mine, but I didnt beg him not to go, or tell him that all the other wives I spoke to wouldnt allow it . That shows lack of trust in me, and thats no bueno. Conflict resolution. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. I hope you can get some work done despite your husbands interference while you are gone. Hed probably drive her nuts the entire trip monitoring when she comes and goes, trying to veto business dinners with her colleagues, calling her if shes a minute later than she said shed beAnd if youre working the conference, its exhausting and theres not really a lot of time to explore. And there usually are scenarios where getting permission is reasonable for a lot of people like if a spouse wanted to spend a lot of shared money or wanted to join a sports league that involved a big time commitment. Im still trying to figure a way out of it, but I wish I hadnt given in to his demands in the first place. I think youre going to get a lot of pile on against your husband here I do hope you feel supported and not overwhelmed. Sorry about the side note. I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. What if the wife had a job that required lots of travel, but paid well and allowed them to live a good lifestyle. And if I only believed he was in danger because I have anxiety I cant control, this wouldnt help at allin fact, it would probably make the anxiety worse. Youll be so exhausted from your meetings all youll want to do is get dinner and go to sleep! Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. Hope you will enjoy the holiday! He is not being reasonable or rational, so dont even try to engage with him as if he is. Can you believe it? There are several important issues to consider, however, when deciding if your husband should go on vacation with you. When you try to say you wont let me do something, that tells me that you think Im too incompetent to make an appropriate choice on my own, which is really disrespectful. He can see how boring Vegas really is. We had screaming matches over girls night out or any activity that might throw me in the path of men. Agreeded theres some heavy selection bias in that sample. They sometimes ask if Im from some sort of obscure cult, or something. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. Bucks. Its partially a trust issue, and partly the horrible stories some people tell themselves. They figure the guys didnt want any young white foreigners getting caught up in some kind of scuffle but still Dont start trouble, you wont get trouble! My wife and I have two young kids. When I was years into my emotionally abusive first marriage, I had a long list of all the ways he was great. I do think raising, where you live, and a worldly perception of Vegas play in. She is doing the heavy lifting in supporting the family and yet he wants to control and damage her control. He had experienced previous panic attacks on flights, hated the "cattle type" travel experience, and at 6'2+ was uncomfortable in the tiny airplane seats. It may not be, in this case. Its a slippery slope when someone starts demanding changes to accommodate their objections to acceptable societal norms. Los Vegas is known more for shows and EDM festivals than anything else these days. These are normal things that a lot of people encounter at some point; if your relationship as it currently stands doesnt have room to address them, its past time to get some help to straighten it out. I find this so interesting. My point was, shes hearing about friends opinions second-hand. Its a lot less horrendous than deglove, whats the issue? In most normal partnerships where you have shared responsibilities its not so much asking permission, as its checking in to make sure spouse doesnt need you For anything at that time. Just my two cents. Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! It was a realllllly boring upbringing. It can be; it can also be a culture that has different views on whats important in a relationship. I certainly didnt want to give that impression! On which I shared my personal experience and directed to resources where these be explored further. Might need to go back. Of course control issues are a possibility. When I was fretting over whether to pursue a fantastic opportunity that would require a good amount of travel, he told me, Youve worked too hard to get where you are to not take ANY opportunity you want to take. And he means it.